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Archive for August, 2009

Aug 23 2009

Cloudbreak

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

I have seen light amidst the cold, lonely darkness. I have felt its breath warm my skin and felt it refresh my sense of hope. I know that there is more love out there to find, to hold, to embrace, and I plan on doing so. I have lost my first love, but there will be others. And even though I still miss her beyond words, this one fact cheers me. I worried that no one could ever make me feel like she did, but I see now that the right person can, when they come along. And until then, I will wait eagerly, but with patience.

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Aug 19 2009

Ryan Adams - Two

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

I didn’t write this and am no way affiliated with the owners to the writes of this song. I just wanted to post the lyrics because they describe how I feel right now very well. I know it isn’t actually supposed to be about a girl, but that’s how I find it applies to me best. I changed it a bit, but not much.

“Two”

If you take me back
Back to your place
I’ll try not to bother you I promise
‘Cause it’s cold in here
And I wish it was hot
The sink’s broke, it’s leaking from the faucet
And I’m fractured from the fall
And I wanna go home
But it takes two when it used to take one
It takes two when it used to take only one
Well, my words are no good when I’m up to no good
But I never meant to hurt you, honest
I got a really good heart
I just can’t catch a break
If I could I’d treat you like you wanted me to I promise
But I’m fractured from the fall
And I wanna go home
I’m fractured from the fall
And I wanna go home
But it takes two when it used to take one
It takes two when it used to take one
It takes two when it used to take one
It takes two when it used to take only one…

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Aug 17 2009

Wonderwall

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

The sand is cold and dry as the grains slide in between my toes. The gentle breaking of the waves echoes softly in the distance, reinforcing the peacefulness of this sanctuary. Once again, my thoughts stray to that girl, my love. Even amongst all that has happened, I still feel happy just by reminiscing about her. But with this happiness comes a bleak emptiness: the reminder that it’s over, the reminder that we can’t talk anymore - and it breaks me. I miss her so much. I miss the happiness, the trust, and especially the love. I feel my heart warm at the thought of her maybe, just maybe texting me soon, and I obsess on such wild thoughts as I walk down the beach. And yet even in these dreams, my heart grows heavy with guilt, because I know that the only way she would want to speak to me again is if she loses him. He is her world, and he makes her happy, and I honestly would never want her to lose him as long as he does, even if it means she won’t talk to me anymore, because more than anything, I want her to be happy.

But I miss her, I miss her so much. She was someone who truly loved me, someone I could always lean on and someone who always made me happy. After all, she was my wonderwall.

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Aug 14 2009

Hot Coals

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

It’s amazing how even so long after the happiness stops, the memories keep the feeling alive, like smoldering coals remain long after the fire is put out. I’m sure the pain will linger in the same fashion, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Aug 07 2009

Autumn

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

The children laugh and play, basking in the careless bliss of Summer. It is a time when responsibilities can be cast aside, and spending time with their friends comes first and foremost. The skies are alive with clear nights and glorious sunsets, and each day is another relaxing, lackadaisical adventure. However, even now, in the midst of Summer, the first leaves begin to fall and the breeze starts to pick up, a sobering reminder that Autumn is on the way.

The boy knows that nothing lasts forever. He notices the first leaf start to crumble and eventually descend from the mighty aspen with whom it was so long bonded. He feels a twinge of sadness in his stomach, a sense of nostalgia for the Summer, whose days now seem numbered, limited, and finite as they haven’t felt until now. The boy knows that the seasons change, but it is always hard for him to watch the leaves start falling. He sees them fall, one by one, in different directions, and realizes with a sigh that they always appear to fall further from the tree than the year before. The happy unity and carelessness of Summer begins to fade away, blowing away with the Autumn wind.

As the temperature cools, so, too, does the boy’s heart. He constantly finds himself longing for Summer, reminiscing on memories made with those now gone. He imagines Summer, when he can finally be together again with his friends and family, but even amongst such joyous dreams, he realizes that each year, their bonds are a bit weaker. He won’t see some children as much as he wants to, and some won’t even return at all - each year, the leaves fall further from the tree.

The boy wonders why it has to be this way as he sadly watches the leaves, still falling in a melancholy blur of reds and browns. And yet, even as the last leaves fall, even as the children don warmer clothes, and even as the first school bell rings, the boy is filled with resolve. Although Summer may be lost for now, he will not let it’s spirit die. He will never let the spirit of Summer die.

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Aug 03 2009

Let You Go

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

Dear Ani,

It’s been so long since we last talked to each other. I loved talking to you so much, and I know you felt the same way. I miss it everyday. But we did some bad things; I don’t need to describe them in detail, but you know what I mean. I know I should never have influenced you like that. I was just so lonely, and you made me so happy. I’m not saying that makes it okay, but I want you to know why I didn’t stop it. It was selfish and I apologize. However, please remember that you never tried to stop me, and many times were just as bad as me. We were both stupid and didn’t realize exactly what we were doing.

I know why you have stopped talking to me; you were right to do it. We cannot go on like we were, not when you’re with Dylan and I want to be with Kasey. But those things aren’t what I miss most about you. I miss texting you everyday and always having someone to talk to. I miss how happy you always made me feel, and I miss how I would wake up to find that you had already texted me because you couldn’t wait to hear from me. Most of all, I miss how you finally made me feel loved.

But this whole situation is even worse than you think, Ani. I have lied to you. I was never as close to that girl I’ve talked about as I told you I was. My stories were fake. I felt so embarrased about my loneliness that I lied to you without ever realizing how close we’d eventually become. The truth is, there never was any girl like that. I may sound like a loser saying it, but you deserve to know the truth.

I am not questioning why you stopped talking to me, and I am not begging you to start again, even though in all honesty, I wish you would. I am just letting you know how much I miss you, and how much you meant to me - how much you still mean to me. Please know that I will embrace you again with open, loving arms if you ever want to talk to me again, and if not, I will understand. Thank you so much for everything hun.

Love,

Mike

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Aug 01 2009

She (Revised)

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

She is the girl I have not dared to mention

For my voice is a blemish on her perfection

Raised above all else in this imperfect world

She brings me happiness, yet what do I bring?

Is this what happens when a peasant loves a king?

I’m not good enough for her, that beautiful girl

She makes me wonder, is there any hope there?

A bond weakened by distance might be nurtured with care

My heart rests in a tomb of longing; don’t encase me

Kasey

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Aug 01 2009

Simple Joy

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

 This is way off the beaten trail for my usual writing, but I want to say it. Forgive the lack of skill in this post, it’s really more of just me jotting down ideas.

If you read my writing with out knowing me in real life, it would be natural to assume that I am just some guy who always whines about girls. However, that is not an accurate summary of myself at all. That is just the side of me that you, as the reader, see because I write to help myself think, and these problems are what I think about a lot. In all reality, I am actually very cheerful, friendly, and happy; however, I realize that these emotions are not portrayed well in my writing, so I thought I would use a post to better develop them.

I have a great life. I have a loving family, amazing friends, and more. I am happy with my education so far in all aspects, I love my home, and I am happy to be who I am. I cannot say enough words of gratitude to describe how grateful I am for everything. And even though the timing isn’t necessarily optimal, I absolutely love spending time with that girl. She makes me so happy, even when other guys hit on her right in front of me; she always makes me smile. It’s amazing to think about how much one single text message from her can brighten my day, and how just seeing a smile on her face can warm my heart so much. These simple pleasures bring me so much joy, and I fear I overlook them far too often. Despite all the loneliness I feel, life really is good. I am happy, and I love my life. I am so grateful…for everything.

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