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Archive for July, 2009

Jul 30 2009

Summary

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

I am sick of the loneliness. I am sick of the foolish neglect. I am sick of my own selflessness causing my own unhappiness. I am sick of losing sleep whilst thinking of dreams and wishes, only to have them crushed the next day. I’m sick of being unloved. I am so, so sick of it all.

Why does it have to be this way? Why does my own friend stab me in the back without even realizing it? And why, exactly, doesn’t he realize what it does to her? Why am I always a great friend, but never anything more? Am I that fucking hideous? What could I possibly keep doing wrong?

There are too many questions for which no answers can be found. And I have grown weary of searching for them. I just want the pain to go away. I want to feel happy. I want to feel pure bliss and leave my worries behind me. But they cling to my soul like a chain, tethering me to eternal suffering.

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Jul 26 2009

Masquerade

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

The boy arrives to the masquerade late. He ascends up the marble stairs alone, for he has no date, and dawns his mask as he enters. As he walks into the party, he begins to socialize with the other guests, taking careful note of what disguises they wear. He sees people wearing masks of all shapes and sizes, each portrayed in a different array of colors. These are the masks that the guests chose to wear tonight. These are the feelings that they chose to represent. The girl in the corner wears a loving mask, despite the fact that she constantly betrays her lover, and her boyfriend wears an angry mask, to try and hide how much she hurts him. But on this night, such details are lost in the grandeur of the evening; to everyone else, they are exactly as they seem on the surface.

The boy gets a glass of punch and sits by the large, stained-glass window. He stares at the guests and thinks to himself what a horrible place this room has become. After all, on this night, all the world is a lie. The people wear false faces and the conversations are facades of enjoyment. As the boy looks out the window, he realizes that the stained-glass distorts even this view: it too is a lie, warped and mutated from the truth. The boy smiles, as he always does when he is disgusted with the world around him; it is a bitter smile, one that contains no happiness but rather cruel resentment.

The boy allows his mind to wander for a bit, but then brings his focus back to the party at hand. He notices a girl shyly watching him from the corner. She wears a sad mask of all different kinds of blues, to emphasize her own depression. The boy smiles again. He knows from sheer intuition that this girl, like everything else, is a lie. She may put on a melancholy, dreary face, but in reality her life is great, and to wear such a mask is a mockery of the truth. Worse than that, even, it is selfish beyond reason. However, the boy is undeterred; there’s something about her that intrigues him. “Would you like to dance?” he asks, with a natural note of nervousness in his normally calm voice. The girl kindly obliges and the two begin to waltz. However, even as he she whispers to him how much she likes him, he sees her eyes wander to a man smoking on the deck. But the boy is not angered; rather, he tells the girl to go to him and she does so without hesitation. He wants her to be happy, but he cannot help feeling a twinge of loneliness as she walks away from him.

The boy retreats back to his seat by the window, like a wounded snake retreating into its hole. Once again, he feels the familiar sense of neglect and solitude that he has grown so accustomed to. As he wallows in his own self-pity, another girl puts her hand on his shoulder. He turns around quickly, but as he gazes upon this stranger’s beauty, he is taken aback. She wears a bright mask of cheerful yellows and greens, but it is unlike any other mask he has ever seen: it seems to replicate exactly that which it covers. The emotions that the mask shows reflect the emotions the girl honestly feels. Here is the one truth among countless lies, the single ray of sunshine that penetrated a sky of deceptive clouds, and it is a sight to behold. The boy smiles as he looks at her, but it is not his typical bitter smile - after all, even it is a lie. Instead, his smile shows genuine happiness, and the girl mirrors it with her own. “Do you want to dance?”, he asks again, this time more whole-heartedly. She nods and leads him to the dance floor, and the two dance for the rest of the night, sharing one of the most enjoyable evenings they have ever experienced.

However, the boy sees nervousness in the girl’s eyes. After all, the masquerade will only last for so long, and then the two must go their separate ways. But the boy rubs his hand through her hair reassuringly and tells her, “Distance will not break us. We will meet up again and again. If we can just be patient, it will be worth it.” The girl smiles once more and kisses him. And the boy and the girl hold each other under the beauty of the glowing moon, even long after all of the other guests have left.

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Jul 23 2009

Short And To The Point

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

I didn’t write this, but it seems so applicable to my own life that I wanted to post it here. All credit to the work goes to Travis Johnson, and you can find more of his writing at http://living15.today.com

How on earth did I get so jaded

How and why has the happiness faded

Where’s the one who can make me smile

Show me all the struggle’s gunna be worthwhile

Pull me outside into the pouring rain

Stare into my eyes and wash away the pain

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Jul 23 2009

She

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

She is the girl I have not dared to mention

For my voice is a blemish on her perfection

Raised above all else in this imperfect world

She brings me happiness, yet what do I bring?

Is this what happens when a peasant loves a king?

Her gaze is set higher than to sink to my level

She makes me wonder, is there any hope there?

A bond weakened by distance might be nurtured with care

My heart rests in a tomb of longing; don’t encase me

KLJ

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Jul 16 2009

Erosion

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

The waves bear down on the cliffside, pummeling it and deconstructing its very foundation in a relentless assault. The cruel ocean barrages the cliffside, bent on its utter destruction. The rocky shore may be strong, but eventually the abuse takes its toll. The swells continually erode at the heart of the cliffside, until finally it breaks and dissolves into nothingness.

Everyone has an ocean inside them, breaking them slowly. Each person has something that beats them down time and time again. Solitude is the white-capped tide that shatters my being. I long for a level of love and companionship that I have yet to experience, and the lack thereof rips my core. I am aching for someone to save me, burning for someone to hold me and be the sandbag that bars these dark, lonely waves. But my cliff stands high, and I will not allow it to be eroded even though all the might of merciless Poseidon stands before me.

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Jul 08 2009

Depression

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

I am a child, crippled with agony and paralyzed with fear. I keep trying to move, to venture out of my room, but each time I am met with only more suffering. My insides sting with the pains of rejection and neglect, pains that are so devastating and yet so familiar. It is as if I am a dog, a most faithful friend who loves his master with his entire heart, even though his master, in turn, loves him only as an animal that keeps him company. I am constantly overlooked, invisible in Cupid’s eyes. Why am I so lonely? What am I doing wrong? What the fuck is wrong with me?

There comes a point when you can’t take anymore misery, an emotional threshold that only severe solitude can breach. I am at that point. Cast aside too many times, I lie broken at the feet of loves long gone, forsaken, forlorn, and forgotten. I am the dying star that implodes because of its own emptiness. I am the flower who wilts in neglect and rots in solitude, because the sun never cares to shine on it.

No matter how many times I try, nothing changes. It’s always this way, and I’m fucking sick of it.

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Jul 05 2009

Untitled

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

When we are lost, we can always count on time; it heals wounds, opens new paths, and provides new experiences, with which we may enlighten ourselves. Time is the great revealer, the flashlight that banishes the darkness of the mind. What was cloudy becomes clearer as infinite, deathless time takes it’s toll. This has once again proven true in my personal experience.

For so long, I waited for you, Holly. I patiently waited while you recovered from broken relationships of old, and while you tried to start new ones right in front of my own eyes. I kept telling myself that I didn’t mind waiting for you, but time has shown me otherwise. The longer I waited, the more you seemed to take me for granted, and the more your own selfishness was emphasized. But time has shown me a new path to walk, and though our lives will still be intertwined, they will not be one, untited.

I have found another; one that I cherish with all my heart and soul. We will never be together, and yet even still her love is more pure and selfless than yours has ever been to me. Most importantly, she makes me happy, so happy. You make me happy, too, Holly, but it doesn’t matter to you because you care only for yourself sometimes. But Ani is different…she means the world to me, and I to her.

I love you, Ani.

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Jul 01 2009

A Helping Hand

Published by mike2640 under Uncategorized Edit This

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

The darkness smothers me, constricting my movements and suffocating me slowly. Won’t someone help me see?

“Please help me, I’m drowning!”

The waves rise over my head and crash down on me, plunging me deeper and deeper. Won’t someone help me stay afloat?

“Somebody hold me, I’m going to fall!”

I teeter on the edge, grasping for something to help me up, but I am starting to slip. Won’t someone hold me up?

_____________________________________________________________

I am in desperate need of assistance. Please someone, anyone, come to my rescue. I really need to catch a break, for once in my life.

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